how a brain injury effects my life and the blessings its caued and the hardship it caused

You know its interesting I've had multiple brain injuries since 07 and well on the outside and again on the internet you would never know even more so since I sound smart or at least I hope I do. But I've learned every brain injury is different some are brain dead some have no memory and can't do tasks some or most have mental issues some can't walk etc I can go on and on. My Brain injury is different. I suffer from Migraines nausea all the time I have memory loss and can't remember shit. Doing daily tasks like laundry dishes remembering to take out the trash even doing simple things like I figured out last night like putting the right size silverware in the proper place. Thinking of the proper words to say when talking and pronouncing words at times. Learning new things is no good you see kevin tried to re teach me how to clean the kitchen and well I went back to my old way. Don't get me wrong the kitchen is clean trust me bleach is my best friend. So if there's any germs and bacteria its going to die. But I couldn't do that. Yeah its hard on him and especially for me because I feel like I piece of me has been taken away. Basic shit I took forgranted in doing everyday is gone. We still don't know the extent of how bad I am to this day because medicaid won't cover the test I really need and we don't have $5000 to cover it. So for me to get any type of rehabiltion or treatment is impossible. My doctors figured that out when they are pretty much saying until I get this test they can't do anything and if anything new happens to contact them. But there is hope when I get medicare in 2 years the test may be covered or when we move to a different state where I can get my treatments and the test I need for treatment to well not get better because its too late my brain injury set in where its too late but to be able to live with it. But yet I still say that even though I have this its a gift from god as much as it sucks at times. Why because its allowed me to open up my thinking to new levels on life. Where as I lack in a lot I've gained. For example I can't do basic tasks well or at all but I can think more deeply and make choices that I hope is right at least. There's other things but I can't think of it now. Regardless its a blessing from god maybe he felt I didn't need these basic skills and I needed what I've gained instead. Yeah it sounds fucked up even for me but only he knows the true answer on that one not me or you. Another blessing is I've learned about mental illness and how the brain works and how important the brain actually is. Which before the injury I didn't give a fuck because I took that part forgranted. Could god of done this to me as a wake up call. Maybe but only he knows and I don't want to say I don't care because in a way I do but thinking about that isn't going to help me now. In any case I've learned from this that means the most is I've gotten to learn who my true friends and family really is. Is it hard yeah because socially its hard for me to be around people I don't really know at least in person where before I never had a problem. In fact most of the time I just want to stay home. Not because I want to mope around because I feel safe here. Yeah that sounds silly considering that my safe place was violated when our apartment got broken into and everything we owned was stolen. So maybe its a mental thing I don't know. Just like today a friend I look to towards a sister wanted me to go swimming well I don't feel good so I'm not going plus I don't have any swim wear or shorts or tan lotion and trust me my pale ass will burn I learned that lesson when I was on the beach in FL and decided to lay on the beach and burn almost every layer of my skin. Why do I feel sick maybe its mentally this time where I'm going to be around people I don't know maybe I am sick I don't know. It sounds silly I know but when you are mugged and robbed twice get a brain injury both times get your house broken into have everything in the apartment taken from you and get robbed another time at gunpoint then maybe socially it does fuck someone up and the thought of public places makes me sick. But in any case I'm still blessed and new things have come into my life despite the bullshit that has happened. What does my future hold honestly I don't know hopefully something or maybe its nothing that I feel is important but it made a difference and brought good to the world. Which honestly that's all that matters after everything is said and done.