The background and understanding my mother part 1

You know she has done a lot of damage in my life and everyone around her. Maybe that's why as I became an adult I tried never to see her. Yes I was an asshole to her I feel bad since she's my mom and all but the young adult delevlopment years was hard for me in dealing with her. That's also probley the reason or part of the reason why I knew as a child I had to leave St. Louis and probley the reason why I also haven't been back to St Louis and make my home a place far from St Louis like on the other side of the country. Despite the damage though there isn't one day I don't think about her and wish her the best in life. Sure I might go 3 or 4 weeks without talking to her but that's because mentally I can't handle it. You see mom isn't a bad person. She has a mental illness and she hasn't gotten the right help from it. So now she's crazier than ever and I can't deal with it. With my brain injuries and all there's a lot I can't handle mentally. That may sound selfish but its not. Because I'm learning that I do have one and how to deal with my illness my brain injury has caused and hope the relationships I had in st louis is never forgotten and ib helped make a difference in someone's life. But She feels she's normal and there's nothing wrong with her. I can respect that it took a long time for me to admit it. However no matter what she does and admits despite the damage I still have her back if I could. I feel like in a way I've been able to see inside of her soul and she has a nice innocent soul and a lot of love just in the wrong places. The issue is her mental illness took over and it hurts me for me to see her and suffer from her mind set. Its like she's trapped and she has to feel these emotions and effects of what she did. Its funny as I have this injury I've had insight on mental illness from having one myself and no I'm not crazy like a crack head on the street I can feel and have that understanding from those emotions I have experienced and hope that one day We can come together in a way that would be non hostile circumstances or sad circumstances. I can't control her life I always hope now at least that she never feels those negative feelings and she remains happy and healthy despite the crazy stuff that she's gone through. I'm also going to make a part 2 of this on how she was normal and got to the point she is now. Just remember though that someone mentally ill you know or care about can do a lot of damage in your life even more so if they think they are normal and don't need help. But despite their actions it doesn't matter what it looks like unless your looking at the persons soul and sometimes that's hard to do but the soul is what get judged not the person as someone innocent may be trapped inside a damaged or defective body and mind.