A curse or a blessing good or bad

Often you will hear me say that in a way having a brain injury is a blessing. But in a lot of ways its a curse. Sure there's other people with brain injury s that are able to do more than me since they got the proper treatment and they caught it before the injury set in. Where in my case everyone says its too late. So my biggest fear is my mental state getting worse where I can't do what I do now. I already do crazy shit in my daily life that has people go what the fuck. And its frustrating because I even go what the fuck. Kevin on the other hand gets frustrated with me and quite personally I'm surprised he's still with me. Not because I did anything wrong but because I can be that bad at times and I don't know how someone can handle that on their partner when yet that isn't who they were before. I love him more than anything in the world but often question his love for me. Not that I have any doubts that he loves me but how can someone love me and care for me get pissed at the situation when I fuck up but still comes back to loving me. I know deep down he loves me with his heart and soul like I live him with my heart and soul. If anything in the long run this has brought us closer. I don't want to say I don't know if I could do that because if the roles were reversed with kevin I'd do the same. But at least with me where there's a blessing there's a curse. Maybe if I had doctors that gave a fuck it would make a difference and it wouldn't be a curse. Kevin says I need to embrace this injury and somehow I hope I do. I just wish at times things were the way they were before the injury and I could be the person I was before. That's why I've scared off some people in my life. I'm not mad at them I completely understand I just wish they could of seen another side of me that I hope is priceless instead of a curse